CONFIDENCE DRESSING FOR A MIDLIFE PERIMENOPAUSAL BODY
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When I sat down to think about what I can actually offer up here in the Style Notes posts, the discussion threads around confidence and dressing a midlife, menopausal body, came up on repeat. So in the spirit of providing something useful, it comes down to sharing what I’ve discovered and experimented with as I journey through the midlife style years. Below are a few things I’ve learnt to do, others I’ve learnt to accept and finally, some honesty about why and how I’m attempting to make some changes too…
DRESS SIZE
Just as in any process of evolution, there comes a point when you realise it’s time to let go of the past. For me that means no more thinking about the dress sizes and shapes I’ve been in both distant and recent past lives. My previous body incarnations do nothing that serves how I feel today. The times of being really slim (which in reality meant I was actually underweight), and able to dress myself without thinking about body shape, only ever happened under extreme life stress. This only tells me how my nervous system is wired and that is all - it doesn’t mean that because I was once that size, I could be it again.
Now when I shop, I always try on the size above the one I think I am because sometimes, the actual difference in fit and form is barely noticeable when compared on the hanger but quite impactful to the fit on the body. The number on the label inside our clothes is rendered insignificant anyway when you consider the variance in parameters from brand to brand - the proof being I have items in my wardrobe labeled small through to extra large. They all fit - go figure. Pun fully intended.
In terms of specifics, one instance would be the eternal quest I find myself on - you’ve probably been there yourself - the one for those elusive “really great trousers”. The solution that works? I’ve bought a bigger size and then had them tailored where needed so they fit me as opposed to a standard shape specified by that brand.
CLICK TO SHOP TROUSERS
COMPARISON
Even at 53 I’m still learning to stop (and I really and truly mean STOP), comparing my body to those I see on Instagram and in mainstream media that are touted as the given standard. When you think about it, comparison in any form really is the most pointless of pursuits. In the process of comparing, what exactly am I hoping to get out of it? What do I stand to gain by pitting my body against those of other women?
I’ve lost count of the times I’ve found myself gazing at a fellow female and suddenly realised that the loop in my head had begun to play the “If I was the same size as her/had the same narrow hips as her then surely I’d be happy” soundtrack. I know - sounds nonsensical when repeated in a moment of lucidity. Everyone has behind the scenes shit going on and the fact they fit into their trousers in a way that I don’t doesn't actually mean that they’re any happier than me at all.
As an aside, I’m fairly sure that the reason we can end up feeling pretty shit about our bodies at this stage of life is that we are not shown anywhere near enough softer shaped, older women’s bodies in older skin… bit that’s a whole other conversation… currently in draft on my desktop.
LIFE STAGE
And anyway, in the process of all that comparison, exactly who is the woman that I’m attempting to measure up to? Is she the same age as me? Is she menopausal? How many kids has she birthed? Do you see where I’m going with this? My energy is better spent standing in front of my wardrobe and honestly appraising what I can wear here and now, in this life stage.
I advocate for making time for experimental sessions of standing in front of your own wardrobe and trying it all on. Perhaps with a little inspiration from Pinterest or style influencers on Instagram that might help, but don’t make the same mistake that I did on repeat. Don’t forget to keep in mind your life stage, shape and preferences when adapting the components for you.
SIGNATURE
When I think about what it is I’m continually drawn to when it comes to an outfit on someone else, I realise that my signature hook-in and the trick that makes me look twice is the juxtaposition of things. The list is long but near the top would be soft loose tailoring with a pair of beat up Converse, an oversized jumper with a pair of silky wide leg trousers or my failsafe and repeatedly relied upon joggers, T-shirt and blazer and/or trench with Birkenstocks combo. It's always the unexpected that I remember and never what shape I thought the body underneath the outfit might be.
I find Pinterest is a really good source for this kind of inspiration - try out different search words to bring up looks you love and when you find one, click on the image and scroll down to the “More Like This…” section underneath - then start pinning to your own boards for future reference. Not to toot my own horn but the Simply Effortless Style and the currently topical Style | Spring Summer boards on my page would be a good place to start if you’re new to using Pinterest as a place for outfit inspiration. When I find new seasonal looks I like, I share it on Instagram Stories and save them into the Style Pinspo highlights so keep an eye out over there too.
Everyone has a particular style signature they’re drawn to, you just need to work out what yours is, spend time plundering it for all it’s worth and then try it out. On repeat.
A FEW FAVOURITE PAIRINGS
SIMPLICITY
It’s no surprise that I’m drawn to simplicity in matters of the wardrobe - at a time in life when you want to keep fuss, faff or f*cking about to a minimum - simple is an absolute no-brainer. Even if the effect overall is paired back simplicity, there’s still room for a detail that draws the eye - as an example, I love an oversized white T-shirt worn with soft and slouchy jeans, simple tan sandals and fingers adorned in multiple silver rings. When it gets cooler, swap the sandals for trainers and add this blazer - basically this is my idea of sartorial nirvana. The T-shirts are usually from ARKET - their oversized fit makes for the quintessential white Tee. These are great loose fit jeans and I love Missoma and Monica Vinader for good minimal jewellery.
I fully embrace a formulaic approach to dressing and appreciate that that isn’t for everyone. But I find it easy to follow, it takes up very little headspace and generally it means that by default, eventually, most things in my wardrobe end up being compatible with one another.
GREAT T-SHIRT + JEAN COMBOS
NURTURE
I’m not quite sure why it’s taken me this long but in the last few months I’ve begun to make a concerted effort to improve both the quality of my nutrition and activity levels. I’d be lying by omission if I didn’t tell you that I hope these actions will eventually bring about changes that mean more of my clothes will fit in the way I’d like them to. This is my midlife body, it’s been through a lot and I’m allowed to feel what I feel within it, in any way that I want.
Besides the yoga and cold water dips that I began a couple months back, I’m stepping up my plant based food intake wherever possible, attempting around 10,000 steps a day with the help of my FitBit, eating a bit more protein, trying some short resistance and HIIT workouts - I’m talking ten minutes per session and no more - cutting back on weekday alcohol and drinking lots more water on a daily basis. I’ve become really invested in the theories around upping the intake of plant based foods to 30 different types in a week to improve the health of the gut microbiome. For the myriad of benefits it brings about specific to midlife health but also in line with the research into its ability to help ward off and fight back quicker when it comes to viruses. Because that pandemic… still happening.
Here’s what I’m NOT doing. You won’t catch me working out everyday, forgoing my two daily coffees, cutting out any food groups or denying myself the occasional things that bring joy - yes you, delicious slice of fresh baked bread with butter! I’m not saying that in order to feel better in your clothing, you should try any of the above - I’m simply sharing what I’m doing to see if it helps my midlife body.
Here and now, with the realisation that time is most certainly finite, I feel a new sense of urgency and agency over the “Use it or lose it” adage. Oddly enough, the very act of tweaking what I eat and how often I move is already making me feel way better about getting dressed, despite no obvious evidence of change yet. There’s already an enormous tick in the box for my overall mental health and ability to cope with day to day life challenges, so I’m keeping going and we’ll see what evolves.
UNDERSTANDING GUT HEALTH + GREAT RECIPES
I hope that one or two of these pointers might prove useful if you’re finding it a challenge to dress your midlife, (peri)menopausal body too. There’s no silver bullet or magic trick box for any of it and some days are better than others when it comes to the simple act of getting dressed.
What I do know is that the urge to put something on and feel great in it resurfaces time and time again and my fascination with style only seems to deepen with age. Surely that’s something that more of us should be able to feel more often?
